29 Going on 79

I feel bad for Tom Daschle. After finishing my own taxes with just two sources of income that barely land me with the middle class, I can't imagine trying to remember to include millions of dollars worth of income as well as a chauffeur and driver. And after watching so much of the news lately, I think it's only fair to come clean and admit some of my own tax misdeeds.

Nearly five years ago I was living in the Columbus suburb of Upper Arlington. This idyllic little town is a R.I.T.A. community, of which I was not aware. Regional Income Tax Agency communities collect even more taxes on top of your Federal, State and school district taxes and you have to file a separate form when you're in a R.I.T.A. community. Just a month after filing and receiving my refund check, I received a gentle reminder from R.I.T.A. with the warning that failure to pay the $97 owed to them would result in arrest. Point taken, I wrote them a check minutes later.

Four years ago I was paid $125 for my pivotal role in a Valu-City/Schottenstein's commercial, which included Pan and I bringing up the rear in a dramatic cart stampede. The W2 for that arrived almost two months after I had filed my taxes and I never filed an amendment. This time the reminder was a very curt and serious letter from the IRS warning that my failure to pay $22.37 would result in them issuing a warrant for my arrest. I think I complained to my friends a bit and eventually paid the taxes the next day.

And just three years ago I was short on cash and noticed that if I didn't enter the W2 from Barnes and Noble, my refund was nearly $500 more. Sweet! I have an obviously short memory in some arenas and I convinced myself that "I'm just a little guy, they'll never notice if I pretend that 1200 bucks from Barnes was under the table." Imagine my surprise when a year later I received a notice that I owed the IRS $427 for unreported income on the previous year's return.

I mean, sure, I'm a pretty important person - important and rich enough to catch the attention of the Internal Revenue Service for money owed reaching a total of $546.37. So it only makes sense that nobody would have caught on to Senator Daschle's (a nobody) seemingly innocent oversight while filing his taxes.

And besides, how can Senator Daschle remember that he has a car and driver when he likely still has his old 1972 Pontiac on the brain...